No matter how hard Simon Tordem tried, he could not manage to put out the fire in his toilet tank.  Each time he made another attempt, the fire laughed at him.  And punched him in the eye.

Gene Spotman loved the woman at his favorite coffee shop.  But she didn’t even know he existed.  This was primarily due to the fact he didn’t exist.

Sharon Port worked at the local coffee shop.  Nobody liked her except the imaginary man.  Sadly he was from someone else’s imagination.

Allen Morris couldn’t explain how he had managed to lose weight when his diet for the last two months had been pizza and ice cream.  Then he noticed his arm had fallen off, and it all started making sense.

Toilet Fire just wanted a friend, but could only express his desires through violence. Mainly eye-punching.

Bradley Morwell was amazingly happy every day of his life.  Each morning was a joy to him, and each passing moment was better than the last.

Oxygen felt lonely.  Nobody knew how this was possible.

Everyone told Jack Ryman to “just let it go, man.”  He was always tense and they thought that would help him feel better.  Jack took their advice, but did so while holding a live grenade.  In that moment everyone remembered that Jack was a huge dick, and they regretted helping him.

Fuck you, Bradley Morwell.

No one can predict when the Earth will get dizzy from all the spinning it does, but when that eventually happens it will almost certainly suck.

Really, I don’t know what’s so special about being special.