He sees all his friends, old acquaintances, even his family, navigating life like masterful downhill skiers. Slicing between flags at blinding speeds, looking as calm as they would were they walking the grocery aisle. But then he looks to himself and sees a one-armed man trying to juggle for the first time. With axes. Blindfolded. And upside-down. Nothing comes easily except gaining weight and procrastinating. He doesn’t know why he can’t right himself on this river of existence. But at the same time, he does. Admitting to himself that he is lazy and unmotivated is not the hard part. It is sadly easy. What is difficult for him is fighting that truth. It is easier to stagnate and be mad at the universe than it is to stand up and cut your way through the jungle between yourself and your ideal. But there is always something missing.
If he had a better job he would be happy enough to make changes.
If his job had a better schedule he could be more creatively productive.
If he had a girlfriend he would be confident enough to take the steps needed to grow.
If he had more money he could work less and use that time to work out.
If he had higher self-esteem he could maintain a relationship.
If he wasn’t this, he could be that.
If he was here, he could go there.
If one, then the other.
If up, then down.
If future, then present.
If he had motivation, he could write. So he stood up, took a step, and he wrote this.
- Sergeant Panty Bunch
- Cleveland’s Teamer
- Porn Master
- Herald of Hemp
- The Bargainator
- Better-Than-Cops Man
- The Decider
- Twat Titan
- Mooch Man
- The Loafer
- Captain Crap-Ton
- Captain Indifference
- Captain Saunter
- Captain Stub-Toe
- Doctor Petrified Bull Penis
- Knee-Replacement Man
- The Splotch
- Corporal Killable
- Dangly Balls
- Professor Lazy
- Restless Leg
- Rag Tag Fag Hag
- Mr. Dominatrix
- Doctor Fart
So I have recently begun my newest sci-fi TV show project. A full viewing, beginning to end, of the 2004 Battlestar Galactica series which I have never seen before. In honor of this undertaking, I designed a new lock screen and home screen pairing for my iPhone. First we have the lock screen;
For the home screen, I wanted to start with a logo. I found the one I liked the best on Deviantart from a user named cyberdrone2000. I’ve been trying for twenty minutes to post his image, but I can’t make it work. Instead, PLEASE view his image in his Deviantart gallery here!
From the logo image he made, I did some photoshop work on it, and came up with:
I’m really pleased with how this came out, and hope you all enjoy it too. Once again, check out cyberdrone2000 at Deviantart.com and look at his gallery.
The first thing I did when I purchased my iPhone last year was, obviously, “slide to unlock.” That was when I saw a great opportunity to add some geeky customization to the lock screen and home screen. Would others be able to see it? Only when I hold my phone out to them and say “hey, check out this cool thing I did. No, I don’t have a girlfriend. Why do you ask?”
Here are a few of the lock/home screen pairs I made up. Next post will show some more, all made when I was watching all three Stargate television series in order. Why do you keep asking if I have a girlfriend or not?