Did you know…(Part 3: Mt. Rushmore)

DID YOU KNOW…

…that if you pour a gallon of gasoline out onto Lincoln’s head, you will gain the ability to start any Lincoln Navigator with your mind?

…that if you cover George Washington’s face with peanut butter, it will transform into the face of George Washington Carver?

…that brushing an Angel feather across Roosevelt’s nose will cause every teddy bear in the world to sneeze simultaneously?

…that playing a Jefferson Airplane song while standing on Jefferson’s head will allow you access to the secret single airplane hangar located behind his forehead?

…that if you cover George Washington Carver’s face with cherry pie filling, it will transform back into the face of George Washington?

…that playing a Jefferson Starship song while standing on Jefferson’s head will allow you access to the sentient alien scout ship housed in his mouth?

…that burning the original U.S. flag atop Mt. Rushmore  will activate the Presidential Mega-Zords?

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Did you know…(Part 2: Stonehenge)

DID YOU KNOW…

…that dealing a hand of poker in Stonehenge will guarantee the dealer one (1) royal flush in every casino he ever visits?

…that being killed in Stonehenge while singing will cause you to reincarnate in the body of a former American Idol champion?

…that if a man achieves an erection while in Stonehenge he gains the ability to climax at will for the rest of his life?

…that five (5) Thalidomide Babies riding five (5) unicorns into Stonehenge will reboot the Earth?

…that Clay Aiken can often be found in Stonehenge singing requests for people to murder him?

…that burying the ashes of Gene Roddenberry in Stonehenge will turn all the triptychs into Guardians of Forever? (not a Star Trek fan? Look it up.)

…that five (5) Thalidomide Babies riding five (5) griffons into Stonehenge will reverse the direction of Earth’s rotation?

…that if a survivor of Hiroshima rides a pegasus into Stonehenge, then kills himself, Stonehenge will supply unlimited energy to the planet forever?

…that burying the frozen head of Walt Disney in Stonehenge will cause every nation’s capital to collapse into dust, and a Disney Magical Kingdom to rise from the rubble?

Did you know…(Part 1: Landmarks)

DID YOU KNOW…

…that pushing the Leaning Tower of Pisa to lean the other direction will turn all the water in the oceans into Hawaiian Punch?

…that inserting the Eiffel Tower into the ground at the Terrestrial South Pole will awaken the army of Abominable Snowmen sleeping below the ice?

…that Old Faithful is really just the end of a tube that Satan farts into as a joke?

…that the Bermuda Triangle is the alternate entrance to Narnia?

…that the Roman Colosseum is the Hue Adjustment dial for the sky?

…that inserting the Washington Monument into the sands beneath the Great Sphinx of Giza will awaken the hordes of Behemoth Demon Scorpions, who serve as our only defense against the Abominable Snowmen?

…that the Grand Canyon is Earth’s vagina?

Turnabout

You don’t recognize me.  I can tell.  You see something that rings a bell, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t place it.  Only when you look beneath the surface, under the skin, will you start to put it together.  Let’s pull back the curtain together and take a look.  You just sit right there, and I’ll walk you through the process step by step.

Are the chains too tight?  Yes?  Good.

We can start with the smile.  Right now, seeing you trapped as you are, my smile is real.  But behind it, you can see a few others.  The nervous smile, the fake smile, the smile eager for acceptance, all the smiles that one wears to cover up the trembling lip that comes before the tears.  You and your kind forced me to wear it every day.  For over a decade I carried those fake smiles with me everywhere I went.  Not to protect me from the names you called me, or the taunting comments.  There is no protection from that.  But they hid my true reactions, and that saved me from the additional mocking that would have ensued.  And it denied you the pleasure of seeing me break.

Keep struggling if you want.  You’ll only hurt yourself, and I am fine with that.

Let’s look at the eyes next.  I know it’s hard to see them now, being cold and dark like they are.  But behind them, you can see there used to be ambition, and hope, and light.  Can you tell what kind of light?  Would you even know?  Of course you wouldn’t.  That light comes from kindness and compassion.  Your kind aren’t really known for that.  You’re better known for making people like me think that the person in the mirror is less than worthless.  That we’re too fat, or too skinny, or weak, or ugly, or awkward for you to waste your time on, regardless of the fact that you spent quite a lot of time focusing on us in order to do it.  You gambled on us being so distraught by your torture that we would believe there was something wrong with us, and not notice that you were doing it for no other reason than for the perverted fun of it.  And you were right.  We did.  For a while.

You’re sweating.  Are you figuring it out?  Are you realizing who I am?  I assume you are, considering how pale you just became.

Still, I saved the best for last.  Behind everything else, behind the smiles and the eyes and the years and the growing, look at the soul.

I said LOOK, you coward!

Look at the scar tissue.  Look at the missing pieces.  Look at the wreckage left behind from your “harmless fun.”  Sure, it’s still alive.  It still works.  But not the way it could.  Like the way a car never quite runs properly after surviving an accident. It’s crippled now.  You saw to that.  Every time you pushed us aside to get through the door first.  Every time you called our talents “gay” because you didn’t like them or share them.  Every time you insulted the best clothes we could afford because they weren’t as cool or expensive as yours, you stabbed us.  You stabbed into our souls.  We were singers and band members, actors and artists, readers and poets, gamers and fanboys, but it would never and could never be enough to buy us out of that Hell, because we were also the kind ones, which is why we could never be like you.  Cruel, selfish, and unkind.  At least, not back then.  See, these days we are all adults now, and since we learned back then what it was like to live with pain, fear, and derision every day we have a better appreciation for decency.  We also learned a few things about how to make people feel like they’d rather die than wake up in the morning and do it over again, and again, and again, and oh dear God please just let it stop for one moment, just one quiet moment of peace and happiness!

You’ve figured it out, haven’t you?  I know who you are.  You are the High and Mighty; the Jocks, the Style-makers, the Rich, and the Popular.  But what about me?  I am the rest of us.  I am the Outcasts; the Drama Club kids, the Choir Geeks, the Band Geeks, the Comic Book Nerds, the Goths, the Emo Kids, the Poor, and the Lonely.

You act like you never ruined our childhoods.  We have never forgotten.  You think you’ve done nothing wrong.  We do not forgive you.  You trapped us in Hell during our most vulnerable years, and We are finally free of you.  Between us?  A bonfire, burning with every painful word, every heartache, every dismissive look You tortured us with.

You are bound by chains and locks, and We have the key.

Come on and take it from us.

Something Missing

He sees all his friends, old acquaintances, even his family, navigating life like masterful downhill skiers.  Slicing between flags at blinding speeds, looking as calm as they would were they walking the grocery aisle.  But then he looks to himself and sees a one-armed man trying to juggle for the first time.  With axes.  Blindfolded.  And upside-down.  Nothing comes easily except gaining weight and procrastinating.  He doesn’t know why he can’t right himself on this river of existence.  But at the same time, he does.  Admitting to himself that he is lazy and unmotivated is not the hard part.  It is sadly easy.  What is difficult for him is fighting that truth.  It is easier to stagnate and be mad at the universe than it is to stand up and cut your way through the jungle between yourself and your ideal. But there is always something missing.

If he had a better job he would be happy enough to make changes.

If his job had a better schedule he could be more creatively productive.

If he had a girlfriend he would be confident enough to take the steps needed to grow.

If he had more money he could work less and use that time to work out.

If he had higher self-esteem he could maintain a relationship.

If he wasn’t this, he could be that.

If he was here, he could go there.

If one, then the other.

If up, then down.

If future, then present.

 

If he had motivation, he could write.  So he stood up, took a step, and he wrote this.

Short short story – 2/6/12

Redecorating

 

Mom painted the living room wall again. Of course she painted the entire room, but she always starts with that wall. She keeps coming up with reasons. Nicotine stains were getting bad, a new color will make the room look bigger, a new décor for the new millennium. Each time she does it, I watch her. It gets easier after the first wall. But I can see the pain in her face as she moves the roller up and down that side of the room. She pushes harder, adds an extra coat that she doesn’t need. It is because in her mind she still sees what was there before.  So do I.  But I’ve learned to control it.

 

We see Dad, sitting on the floor. The blood on the wall, almost dry, paints a trail from his head up to the six foot high smattering of holes in the wall, made by the household shotgun he used to keep in the hall closet. Self-defense, the police decided. Dad attacked her after she discovered obvious stains on their bed. The white stains were from him. The red stains were not. She defended herself and, at the same time, got her revenge.

 

I like the new wall color.